Well. A lot has happened since my last update. Some good stuff, and some things I’m still over all uncertain about.
A few weeks ago daddy came over and let himself in. I was waiting for him in my room as instructed.
He tied me up so that I was kneeling with my arms behind my back, wrists tied and attached to my ankles. The rope went all around my body. Up my clit, around my boobs (very tightly, cutting off circulation), and up around my neck. He then blind folded me and taped my mouth shut. I had never in my life been this helpless before. It terrified me. He gave me 40 lashes on the pussy for a previously earned punishment. This hurt so much it had me in tears. I’m not sure if it’s because I was freshly shaved leaving my skin sensitive, or if taking away my ability to move, see or speak made me that much more aware of the pain. He also put clamps on my nipples which also hurt like crazy. Outside of that all I remember is being afraid, and wanting out. I honestly don’t even recall if there was butt play (there must have been because daddy loves butt play). Once he let me out of my ties I just laid there. Unable to speak. I didn’t find this enjoyable. I just wanted him to leave.
As you can imagine after that experience, and my reaction, things have slowed things down.
Last week he came over on tuesdaty after work. I made him pork chops (this is a big deal for me as I’ve been a vegetarian for 12 years). We fooled around lightly and had normal sex. We were supposed to see each other on Wednesday and Thursday as well, but he cancelled.
This week I asked for a romance day, to see if it would help with the doubts I’ve been having. He came over after work Tuesday and brought me dried flowers and a fall candle. We kissed, snuggled and watched TV. We had some pretty good lube-less anal. And he made me dinner. It was a pretty good day.
He came over again on Wednesday. We talked for.a bit. Then went for a breezy walk on the beach. It was also mostly a nice day, just a few small hiccups.
I still don’t feel that my trust is coming back, and I’m still really anxious about continuing to delve into more kinks. Daddy has his work cut out for him, if he chooses to stick around.